day 1

We made it.

on the eve of change

I vividly remember the first time I realized that I was going to be responsible for choosing the type  and place of education for my son. He was barely a year old. I had some loose formed thoughts and thought they could stay that way. It was, after all, four years until those loose thoughts needed to be nailed down. It seemed like forever away and I relished in the time I had.

And now time has run out.

I've talked before about our decision to homeschool and in a dreadfully heartbreaking turn of events we've decided to put that on hold for another year. Which means the son I at one time thought may never sleep through the night, will wake up tomorrow morning (after a full 10+hours) and leave my care for that of another. It's hard articulating the sense of loss I feel over this.

I know he will do great. I know he will excel and learn and grow and have fun. And I want him to. I just wasn't anticipating having to put so many of my feelings and even convictions aside so that he could. 

So tonight I find myself holding back tears as we set out new school clothes and welling up with pride while I watch him lovingly look over the school supplies he so ably chose himself. 

Tonight on the eve of such big change I bathed my baby, prayed we were making the right choice for this time and this precious boy and wished I had realized then that I. Would. Miss. This. 

bathtime

We've entered the land of stereotypical 'boy' behavior. The first indicator was a noticeable resistance to taking a bath when it had once been a favorite time of day.

We're trying to be mindful of the battles we chose so Ephram gets a pass on the bath most nights, which means what used to be done in pairs is now a solo affair for this little one. She's enjoying it so far and he's not the smelliest kid in class yet either. Win. 

P.S. Can anyone tell me when she went and got so old looking?

the baby boots

finished.

the baby boot

The incredibly frustrating thing about sewing these incredibly cute baby booties...

is that you have to sew two for the project to become useful. It's far more tedious than I was anticipating, likely because they're so teeny tiny, but really now, could they be cuter? 

watercolors

is it too early for the epidural?

I wish I could stay in bed all day, listening to this, and not worry about the mess my older children are making or the pile of diapers I so desperately want to get finished today.


Another life.

the diaper sewing session

I have been procrastinating for WAY too long on this project. It sped along nicely at the beginning but my energy levels have been waning and it seems like there is always a dress or a pillow or something else that seems way more fun, way less repetitive, and overall more satisfying to use up my sewing time. 

Today though I went for it. And I almost lost my sanity. 

Two hours to sew seven inside pieces to seven outside pieces. No elastic. No cuts made. No topstitching. No aplix. Seven insides to seven outsides. Broken needles. Three to be exact. Broken thread. High tension. Low tension. Threading and rethreading. Winding and re-winding bobbins. Phone calls to my mom. Frustrated texts to the husband. 2 hours. Seven pieces. UGH.

I didn't want to quit though because I knew that if I left it as frustrated as I was I would never want to touch the project again. 

And something clicked. What took the previous two hours to complete, I rifled through in the next twenty minutes. And by the time the afternoon rolled into supper all 26 insides were pieced together with their matching outsides. The sewing session from hell turned into an incredibly productive afternoon. There is still so much to be done before they will be finished but tonight I am feeling good about it all. 

So refreshing. 

4

Four seemed like the perfect number not too many weeks ago and now here we are heading into the land of five. 

It's pretty sweet watching Ellie's wheels turn as she begins to grasp the shift that's about to happen. Like today, when she grabbed four strawberries out of the fridge. One for Elin, one for Ephram, one for mama, and one for daddy. We counted them over and over and over again and then she realized it wasn't enough. Of course Wren would need one too. 'It will be so good for her tummy...'

the list revisted.

Things that have been completed or added to the original list appear in this color. 

The List.
Separated neatly into the following categories:
The Have-to's.
The Would-be-nice's.
The Dream-on you sweaty, swollen, puking mama's.


The Have To's: 

• Diapers (10 done out of 36 in total)
• Wipes (about half of a hoped for 60 done)
• Crib Sheets
• Change Pad cover 
• Crib Bumper (I know, I know... unsafe you irresponsible mama, but after seeing thislittle yellow beauty I couldn't resist and a steal of a deal on some yellow striped (which reminded me of this wedding that ultimately provided the whole color palate of the room, er... corner) and linen fabric at Value Village told me it was meant to be... even if it's just for a picture or two when it all finally comes together. Plus, it's done already. Sue me) 
• a pair or two of these sweet little shoes (I guess not really a have to but I already bought the pattern and to not use it now really would be a shame)
• Find, buy, and paint a secondhand dresser to double as a change table.(thanks to a lovely husband who finished this while I was away) 
• A wet bag. 

The Would Be Nice's:

• Birdies for a mobile something like this. I figure I need 10... Three are sewn. Two are stuffed and blindstitched. I hate blindstitching. (At least four more cut...)
• Some little jersey and bamboo wool hats. Our kids never fit the standard baby head size, so handmade it must be. (I found one bamboo wool hat kicking around in a pile of go-to gifts I like to keep for emergencies. This will likely be the only hat I make.)
• Artwork for the corner. There are some ideas mulling around in my head but my skills in execution when it comes to computer illustrations are iffy. We'll see how keen the husband is to help. Instead I've found a cute little owl for the wall and some paper lanterns for the ceiling and have decided to recycle art I already have kicking around the house... 

The Dream On's:

• A stack of smocks à la angry chicken. My dream would be a little girlie who wears a daily uniform of onsies, leggings, and smocks. She will need more than the one sitting half finished in a pile that was intended to be a present for another little girl months ago. All that bias tape and those tiny little arm holes plant this one firmly in the dream on category. (One smock, still waiting for a snap and some bias tape to finish the neck)
• A stack of bibs. Again, the thought of repeatedly preforming the 'right sides together, turn, press, topstitch' thing just isn't all that appealing. 
• A mommy made quilt. Seeing as I've only made one quilt before and it was less than stellar I will leave this for a time with more patience and more bend in my body.  Completely taken off the list, in favor of a duvet cover for the baby duvet I already have and won't even think about actually using on the baby for a year or two. 

normal

For the first time in many, many days life feels normal. We've been grasping at air it feels like, since we moved here, to try and grab hold of 'us'. And failed. A move, a surprise pregnancy, and sickness will do that to a family I guess. 

But tonight, tonight feels like us. The smell of orange tea in the air. Rainy weather. This album playing(on our new-to-us Bose - thanks Beegs!). No tv. The only thing missing is some brie and jam and dear friends. For now, I'll take what I can get though and enjoy this small grace that has felt so long in coming.  

sliding

I don't feel old enough to be bringing my kids to the places I so vividly remembering frequenting as a kid.

It feels like yesterday that I was spending summer days at the waterslides near my hometown and now I have two kids who are smitten with the place and my belly is so round with a third that I can't even partake in the fun.

I love that Ephram and Elin didn't notice all the chipped paint and water marks and heaved concrete and overgrown weeds that I now see so blatantly. 

I'm sure that much of that was there when I was young but I don't remember it if it was. 

I love that they are building their own pure little memories in the places that form so many of mine.

I love seeing the joy on their faces and knowing exactly what they are feeling. 

I love seeing them push their boundaries and pray that Rob and I remain able to give them as many opportunities as they need to get to the point where there are no more boundaries. 

I love their slowly browning skin and the sun bleached hair that reminds me so much of their aunts.

I love that a $3(!) ring pop can restore a waning good mood. 

I wish everyday could be like this.

I wish their dad could have been with us. 

I hope they never forget this because I know I can't.

  

sick day

No one wants to see their kids sick.

In the summer.

On one of the hottest days yet.

But here we are. Sticky and sweaty and sick. 

It is ever so sad, but can't be all that serious when the occasion still warrants a skirt. 

birthday

The kids and the bump and I decided to take one last trip home before the bump deflates and while there have been some superbly annoying aspects of being home (courtesy of the ever opinionated father) today is the main reason we made the journey anyway. 


Today is my sister's birthday. Growing up she and I weren't even close to friends but over time that's changed and I am so glad it did. So happy birthday to you Leah. I doubt you will ever read this (unless Dan opens his big mouth) but I love you. My kids love you. My husband loves you. You are a treat for all of us and you deserve a really happy day. 

And rainbow cupcakes.