I am not really sorry for this because it's been true.
I am not really sorry for this because I think our journeys go over mountains and through valleys, and while this valley has been long and still stretches out in front of me farther than I would like it to, it's still the one I have to walk.
I am not sorry for this because I think we need to feel what we are feeling, not wallow in it unnecessarily, but feel it nonetheless.
I am not sorry for this because it's my story and someday I know that Aslan will tell me why he clawed at me and it will all make sense. (If that reference is lost on you, you must - MUST - read this book, whether you're into Narnia or not.)
These days things are looking up though and I would be remiss to only document the bad bits. Never in pregnancy have I been this early on and had this many 'no vomit' days. I am grateful for this. It makes the days I do get sick harder, but it allows for pinpricks of light the rest of the time. I would say there have even been moments of excitement. It's a little disorienting to go from depression to health. Almost like I've been so sad for so long that health and happiness have become the weird and foreign. But they are there in whatever small amount they may come and we are all feeling the thrill of hope starting to bubble below the surface. I still feel anxious and overwhelmed, but now there is peace in the midst of it too.
I've been praying so fervently for you and really feel stirred, hope, yearning that things will improve.
ReplyDeleteMay your own hope continue to grow and the sickness subside quickly, that your excitement for this little one would soon overwhelm all else.